Russian Ankles

Okay, this is going to be a bit of a rant.

This is mostly directed to commuters on the MARC and Washington DC Metro:

Dear folks,
I know it’s early. I understand. I too am groggy and not the most alert. Heaven knows it is a miracle that I can actually get up, out of bed, shower, dress, eat, feed dogs, prepare a bag, and the first of two busses to get to the train station all before 6:15, but c’mon.
I know all of you are old pros at navigating the metro system, that’s what makes me mad. We should be like ants, traveling in fast-moving lines, single file, nothing can slow us down! But no! Everyday we ants (the few of us that seem to understand the system of the flow of traffic [it's not too hard] have to get a metaphorical sunbeam directed at us, incinerating our tight lines, minor intersections, and seamless traffic integration by backpacked meat balls that meander where they will without looking at what may be behind them (read: flood of people caught in the bottle neck they create).

To folks with rolling luggage/wheeled briefcases: stop it. Just stop. They take up the space of 3 people! They look like they are far more hassle to deal with on your end than they are on mine, so why bother? Always tipping? Yep. Slow? Yep. Sure are a pain to get across that gap in the metro, huh? That’s what I thought. I wheeled one of those suckers that was at least 4 times as big around Eastern Europe. I have no sympathy for you.I got to be damn proficient at being aware of my surroundings and what Moby Samsonite was causing. You wheel a square sixth-grader through the streets of Krakow, Poland for 3 miles then we’ll talk.

We should be ants people. Ants! Not puddles of fat oil that float around a pool of water, and turn your music down! If I have to listen to anyone else’s albums from the other end of the train car, I am just going to buy and air horn and kindly remind you when you are being overly audible.

Danke,

Rider #015327847-8

Er Zol Vaksen Vi A Tsibeleh, Mit Dem Kop In Drerd!

MBotW THIS WEEK: (Well, probably two or three days) Tough Jews, passed along by a gentleman named Eddie Owens. I met him at a coffee shop here in Baltimore, and we meet up and chew the fat every once in awhile. He’s 68 and knows EVERYONE in this town. He also know a lot of…Sicilian men. He himself is half Italian. I plan to stay on his good side. I got invited down to Matthew’s Pizza tonight to hang out with a few of his pals. I am a little excited.  

Tough Jews is about the Jewish gangsters during the golden age of Organized Crime. It is written by a man who’s father was apparently connected with those fine and upstanding gentlemen of Murder Incorporated. It should be an exciting read. 

After that, DUNE. 

I have gotten some good suggestions from folks and am excited to read all suggested publications. 

Reading Valley of the Dolls was interesting…I still stand by the Chick Flick standing of earlier, but it was a good read. I kept finding myself thinking (as I was reading) “What is this?! VALLEY OF THE DOLLS?!” This is due to the fact that the use of pills and decadence has become so ingrained in our culture with this book. Seconals, booze, Hollywood. All of it. One you finally read the “Mother of all Decadence” I guess it seems like you are reading the original E! True Hollywood Story and seems a little muted. Even watching Fight Club last night, there was a reference to “Lipstick red Seconals, red and blue Tuninals” and I never would had made the connection unless I had not read the book.

I like this. Reading is fun. I was talking to Rachael a few days ago, as she prepared for her trip to Peru. We got around to what she was going to do with her extended wait times in airports. I was pleased to learn that she had picked up some books and was chomping through them, and was excited about it! She admitted to me that reading isn’t exactly her idea of a good time, but I told her to stick with it. I am pleased that she has. 

I mean, it’s not like she’s a 5th grader trying to get through Maniac Magee, but I can understand. Reading for pleasure has become a bit of a hassle for my generation, and that bums me out a lot. Keep it up Rachie.

MARC Book of the Week Update

So I blew through Candide in no time. I am now reading Valley of the Dolls by Jacueline Susann. All of the books I’ve read so far were published pre-1970, which makes them interesting in the wear and tear department. BUT! They are still books, and I will read them. My current choice is a little haard to get through because it is like reading a Chick Flick, and there are times where I catch myself rolling my eyes and wishing they would talk about something other than dates and men that that they do or do not want to be engaged to.

We’ll see.

Tunnel of Love, Indubitably/of Hell

So yesterday was interesting.

The entire system of the Washington, D.C. Metro experienced major malfunctions ranging from loss of power in some stations, to major signal errors in others. All of this of course started at morning rush hour, which I’m sure folks didn’t mind too much. However, it was not fixed, and in fact, had become progressively worse as the day went on. The problems were not fixed by the evening rush hour traffic. That’s when the fun started.

Normally, I take the Orange Line from Farragut West to Metro Center, then hop on a Red Line going to Union Station. All this takes about 15 minutes max if I can time it right. That lets me catch the 6:05 train to Baltimore.

Now. Yesterday that did not happen. I waited for 30 minutes for an Orange Line train to even arrive at my station! Yet in the opposite direction, there was a train leaving the platform every minute or so! Was there a black hole developing in the tunnel system? Where did they all go? Finally, an Orange arrives, yet the people waiting to get on (in the hundreds at this point) do not make it easy for the people that want to get off. By the time the doors close, only TWO people have gotten on the train at my door before the train pulls away. That’s when I knew it was going to be fun. Finally another one a few minutes later. I had resolved that I was going to get on this train, so help me (apologies to the girl with the over-stuffed backpack, but you should have adapted to the flow.) Hooray! The train is off! On to Metro Center, Union Station, and HOME!

But what’s this?
Why is Metro Center full of THRONGS of people? Has it happened here too!? NOOOOOOOO
(Another case of waiting for 30 minutes as the opposite platform enjoys frequent and empty cars) HOWEVER, Metro Center is a major junction point, and all hell has broken loose. I likened the mass of folks to a concert with no band. I waited and watched four cars be awkwardly emptied, and then CRAMMED with hurried commuters. Families were split up, people were yelling, it was every man for himself.

At last! Salvation! I make it on to a train. The touchy doors and the desperate people outside make it impossible to leave the station, which causes the doors to malfunction, the computer to not recognize the doors are closed, and the train operator to call out that the train that hundreds of people risked life and limb to board is now “Out of Service”. I’ll spare you the details, save to say folks put in a few good words. So now everyone that just got on, has to get off. They don’t want to get off, they want on a train; so they exit the car and immediately stop and turn to get as close to the edge of the platform in front of an ever-growing crowd.

Another train comes, and an even more determined crowd enters the danger zone of trying to figure out the physics of getting hundreds of people into a few six foot openings in under a minute. I get on, and am soon surrounded and swallowed up by a few folks who probably should have opted to walk. I was like a noodle in giant rollers. My posture was…well, if there was a song called “I M C A”… I would be the “i”.

Finally, after an hour. I make it to Union Station. Only to find that my beloved 6:05 MARC train was cancelled, and the 6:40 is delayed. So I get to take that one! Hooray! Along with all of the folks that wanted to take the 6:05 train PLUS the folks gunnin’ for the 6:40 train. Again, pandemonium. It was crushing standing room only, but I managed to find a pretty spacious luggage compartment tucked away and read Candide, which I finished. (Note to self: Don’t think for a second that a 125 page book is going to last a week.)

Which brings me to my next tidbit: THe entire premise of Candide is that one must remain in a positive disposition and have an optimistic outlook on life no matter what happens. One must be aware that they are living in the “Best of all possible worlds” and good will come of it. I thought about that as I waited with the throngs. “Hey it could be worse,” I thought “things could be exploding.” So with that mindset, I craked a joke about Metro running on Hamsters and twine, and lightened the mood a little. Plus, it was about 93 degrees above ground, so the folks that were walking had it much worse.

As for my NEW MARC Book of the Week, I have not had a chance to pick one. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Welcome to The Jungle/1st MARC Book of the Week

Well, more like say goodbye to The Jungle..
No. Both.

1. I started my new internship at Edelman in Washington, D.C. this week. I have to get up pretty early to get to DC by 9, but my lazy butt needs a good dose of Early To Bed, Early To Rise. I am working on some pretty neat projects and getting to know the ins and outs of corporate design. The best part is my team. Out of a large PR office that contains over 200 people, there are but 7 souls, including myself, contained in the good ship Design, which makes it a pretty tight knit group. They are great. They like to laugh, but know when to get down to it and hustle the work.

2. While going to and coming from work, I have the distinct honor of being a passenger on the MARC train from Baltimore Penn Station to DC’s Union Station, and back. This gives me lots of time to sit and…read…or sleep. During the train ride this week, I read Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle first published in 1906. As you may or may not know, the descriptions in this book about Chicago’s meatpacking industry at the time led the US Government to come to its senses and implement a system of inspection for all meat products. They were right to do so. It was a pretty good book.

So now I am implementing (sound trumpets) The MARC Book of the Week!

Starting on the return trip home today: Voltaire’s Candide. I tried reading it awhile back in 11th or 12th grade, but never really got into it. So, another go!

Drool

Post Typography

I love you guys. I want to have your typographic babies. 

For anyone that finds that disgusting or offensive, you do not appreciate type enough.

That is all.

Booyah.

Well, I have been gone for a bit, but it has happened. 

 

I got a job.

 

Well, an  internship. 

It doesn’t pay well, but it is at a wonderful PR firm with much influence. So the “foot-in-the-door” pay is much more than I could want. More later.