Russian Ankles

Okay, this is going to be a bit of a rant.

This is mostly directed to commuters on the MARC and Washington DC Metro:

Dear folks,
I know it’s early. I understand. I too am groggy and not the most alert. Heaven knows it is a miracle that I can actually get up, out of bed, shower, dress, eat, feed dogs, prepare a bag, and the first of two busses to get to the train station all before 6:15, but c’mon.
I know all of you are old pros at navigating the metro system, that’s what makes me mad. We should be like ants, traveling in fast-moving lines, single file, nothing can slow us down! But no! Everyday we ants (the few of us that seem to understand the system of the flow of traffic [it's not too hard] have to get a metaphorical sunbeam directed at us, incinerating our tight lines, minor intersections, and seamless traffic integration by backpacked meat balls that meander where they will without looking at what may be behind them (read: flood of people caught in the bottle neck they create).

To folks with rolling luggage/wheeled briefcases: stop it. Just stop. They take up the space of 3 people! They look like they are far more hassle to deal with on your end than they are on mine, so why bother? Always tipping? Yep. Slow? Yep. Sure are a pain to get across that gap in the metro, huh? That’s what I thought. I wheeled one of those suckers that was at least 4 times as big around Eastern Europe. I have no sympathy for you.I got to be damn proficient at being aware of my surroundings and what Moby Samsonite was causing. You wheel a square sixth-grader through the streets of Krakow, Poland for 3 miles then we’ll talk.

We should be ants people. Ants! Not puddles of fat oil that float around a pool of water, and turn your music down! If I have to listen to anyone else’s albums from the other end of the train car, I am just going to buy and air horn and kindly remind you when you are being overly audible.

Danke,

Rider #015327847-8